I've been thinking a lot about this and there are so many things that YOU never want someone to tell you or hear spoken in your presence. I wonder if people just think it will give them piece of mind or if they really think that you want to hear that comment!
Going to school:
- The first year is killer....it almost ruined my marriage....Thank God that we have moved on and I wish you LUCK because that was SO hard. (This was told me the first time that I met a bunch of women who all had husbands in seminary....it made a nerve-wrecking experience even harder).
- Oh you can be this guy's date because you are "single" and he is single. (Nope...don't say that!! This was told to me when we had a gathering of couples & singles for a progressive dinner and John couldn't make it because he was having a really hard day from Lymes Disease.....it was a Valentines Progressive Dinner and when someone made that comment I was just itching to get out of there....I was married....yes I was alone but I don't need to date another man....I am more than capable of being alone and spending time with others when we get together!
- Oh you don't know where you are going after school is done? That must be so rough.....I don't know if I'd be able to handle that!! (Umm.....please don't ever say that to a seminarian family!! We had that happen where we didn't know where we were going for the whole summer after we had graduated seminary! It was the most scary and stressful time because we had no idea what we were doing and EVERYONE in our class knew where they were going BEFORE they graduated! Things to say or do: Give hugs and say that you will be praying for them as the Lord leads in their life!!)
- You've been married for a while....when are you gonna start having kids!! (Ummm don't talk about it! You have NO idea what's going on in my life or anyone elses for that matter!)
- When are you gonna give Little N a little brother (let me get used to being a mommy of one!)
- You need to be doing this -- hold the baby's head, feed him more, feed him less, change the diaper more often or less often, are you sure you want to nurse, your child, shouldn't be walking he's too little, etc. (I've heard this and much more.....I know my child and he has given me different indications that he is able to hold his head by himself, he doesn't want to eat alot, he is a pig, yes I want to nurse.....it can be a pain in the neck but I like knowing that I am connecting with my child in that way....my oldest was and is very short and doesn't weigh alot but he started walking right when he was supposed to!)
- Those parents weren't involved in their child's life otherwise her DEATH would have been prevented!! (Please don't state that to ANYONE.....you do not know what was going on in that family, the person's life and please please THINK before you speak!!!)
Moving or Traveling:
- WOW do you have your hands full!! (Yup...I know that I have two kids and I try to keep them quiet....yes they may cry BUT you are being JUST as annoying when you are TALKING loudly into your cell phone when we are waiting for take off and when we are waiting getting off the plane.....why is that you give me the stink eye as soon as I come in with two kids and judge me and then after the flight look at me with respect and admiration for keeping my kids under control.....show the same courtesy then!!)
- Oh you are moving to one of the hardest places in the world to live! (I've had that happen to TWO places that we are going to.....PLEASE PLEASE give advice but don't say negative things about a place when a person is moving and is nervous about the move! Yes I realize that it's gonna be a hard transition BUT I would rather go in with my attitude that it can be done....yes it will be hard but don't make it out to be what to me will be the worst two years of my life!)
- Oh you won't be able to get around except by bike in the city! (Don't make generalizations about an ENTIRE country just because you visited one or two cities in that country!!)
- You travel ALOT and are gone alot! (I have been blessed that I have been able to spend time with my family and go visit them.....I think family is very important and I try my best to make sure that I am around to support and spend time with my family! Yes I might travel or go out to see family but I'm sure that you see your family at least as many times as I do or even more because they live in the same town as you! I am gone some but for the most part I am always around and willing to spend time with others!!