Today I just went to the first movie theatre movie in probably two years. I just haven't made time for it or we haven't made time. We've talked about it but then getting a sitter and having the kids watched at times just seems more trouble than it's worth. But today I got together with the girls and we watched Wild with Reese Witherspoon in it. I liked the move -- yes there was language, drugs, and sex but it was also other things. It got me thinking that if I were to change anything in my life or in my past would I do that?
Would I change the fact that I have a learning disability and at times struggle to explain how I feel and why I feel things? Would I change the fact that I was in special education for most of elementary and junior high? Would I change what I did in high school? Would I change what I did in college and afterwards?
No! I don't think I would change anything in my life - my learning disability while very annoying and frustrating at times helps me to be very sympathetic to others and I am more aware of situations and I think that's because of the struggles I had growing up with school and life. I am so thankful for my friends and family who stuck by me and helped me to develop into the person I am today. Sure there are things I wish that I had added to my high school career but I found them later on in life. Things like taking art and photography classes I think could have been fun. I wish that I had tried out for volleyball and not let fear control me because I really loved playing that sport and watching it.
I'm not ashamed for leaving my high school and going to a boarding school. I missed my parents dreadfully but I got to know my Uncles and Tantes, Grandparents and cousins on a very different level than had I just stayed at my old school. I also had the opportunity to have a Christian education and meet people from around the world. I even met my husband while I was there. It was a great experience, hard because of being away from home and being responsible for yourself but also a great opportunity.
I think the experiences you've had growing up and even the mistakes help define you but they don't have to make you! Your failures don't make who you are or who you will become. You can either sit in your mistake or you can brush yourself off and work to be a better person and to be the person whom you think you want to be or the person you think God wants you to be.
I think the most important thing that I've realized is that even though I make mistakes and do things I'm not supposed to do, I am still loved -- loved by my family, by my friends but most importantly I am a sinner who was saved by the grace of Jesus. I will never be able to be perfect -- I will offend people, I will lie, I will get angry and I will do things that are sinful in the eyes of God my Heavenly Father! But thank God that He provided a way for me to be in fellowship with him. I think that is the most important thing.
My life experiences have shaped me and tell me who I was but I don't have to dwell in the bad or difficult things. My identity is defined by the love that Jesus & my Heavenly father had for me and for that I am eternally grateful!